the black China hand

Eighteen years ago today…I turned 21. Eighteen years ago today I was in a dorm in Dalian planning my birthday party. Eighteen years ago today we started the party…on the sixth floor common room and everyone was invited (you see 18 years ago there weren’t many of us liuxuesheng in Dalian (or China to be exact) so having a party were everyone could attend was possible). Eighteen years ago today we even invited some of our Chinese friends (people we befriended at English Corners back when English Corners were “the” thing to do and one of the few sources of interaction with local Chinese) and the Daye actually said he would allow them to come up to our rooms for an hour or so. Eighteen years ago today we had a party but no one showed up…indeed it seemed as if the whole city had decided to stay in…the city seemed deserted. Eighteen years ago today was the day after PLA troops moved in to shut down and shut out the protesters that had been occupying Tian An Men Square since May. Eighteen years ago today as we waited for our guests word began to trickle in from here and there. It was a revolution. Tibet had declared independence. Zhao Ziyang had been shot. Li Peng escaped to Hong Kong. Troops from Inner Mongolia had invaded Beijing to restore authority. Eighteen years ago today we say in the common room walls stacked high with beer (a cheap local brand called SnowFlake) and snacks (gritty chocolate and Japanese rice cakes bought at the Friendship Store…remember those) and wondered what it all meant. What were we witnessing and most importantly…why it had happened. Eighteen years ago today we saw a couple of our Chinese friends walking up the hill and called to them to come up…they were young college students as we were…once we went fishing and talked the whole day of all that the future had in store for us when we graduated but eighteen years ago today there were no dreams in there eyes only fear and sadness and confusion. Eighteen years ago today, there were five us in that room, and although we were all different, from different homes and countries (two Americans, a Japanese and two Chinese) and backgrounds, there was no difference of the effect of the profound events of that day. Eighteen years ago today, I turned 21. Eighteen years ago today I had a party and no one came. Eighteen years ago today I changed forever and so did China.